sigh

busy busy.

2009-05-04T16:58:00.000-07:00

As its starting in on may, I've almost finished my first three courses in high school upgrading, I have my last day in the end of June. so I'm wondering what my plan is for the summer, etc. so far i think i will be working at at least one full time job, maybe trying two jobs. but none the less working working working so i can go back to school in September (yay) I'm just thinking that by next year at this time, my big mistake will be ended and i will be able to go to university. pretty cool huh? so my question is: what are your plans for this summer? who is gonna be doing cool things????

Relay for Life

2009-04-26T22:16:00.000-07:00

SO I've Found a New cause to give some of my time too,
its called the relay for life.
heres the blurb:

Want to be part of a community that takes up the fight? Help me support the fight against cancer by pledging me for my participation in the Canadian Cancer Society Relay For Life.

The Canadian Cancer Society Relay For Life is an overnight non-competitive relay that celebrates cancer survivors and pays tribute to the lives of loved ones. It involves teams of 10 people who take turns walking, running or strolling around a track to raise money to support the work of the Canadian Cancer Society. It's a night of fun, friendship and fundraising to beat cancer.

Funds raised through Relay For Life make a difference. They help the Canadian Cancer Society fund the most promising research projects in the country, provide information services and support programs in the community and advocate for public policies that prevent cancer and help those living with it. You can help make cancer history by pledging my participation in Relay For Life. It's easier than ever - just click the link at the bottom of this message to view my personal page and look for the blue button to support me in this event. Online pledging is secure and it saves the Society money by reducing administrative costs. No amount is too small, or too big. And with a donation of $20 or more, you will receive a tax receipt immediately by e-mail.

the team link is

http://convio.cancer.ca/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFL_AB_ColdLake_?team_id=66950&pg=team&fr_id=3638

and my link is

http://convio.cancer.ca/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFL_AB_ColdLake_?px=2168842&pg=personal&fr_id=3638

check it out, you don't have to pledge, but look at the cause and see what you think

who we are is changing

2009-03-26T12:47:00.000-07:00

I am who I am,
And who I am changes so often its hard to believe. I believed I was a good person but maybe its not so true. how many people have I hurt? what all have i changed? I thought i wanted change but in truth, I miss who i was. What happened to strength? to being free?
I've gone threw a lot of changed lately, and all it takes is one thing to remind me of who I was. I have a Friend at work, and she's a really good girl, but she makes stupid mistakes just like all of us. I went out for her birthday and saw her boyfriend slug her. and saw her turn around and go back to him. it made me very sad but it also reminded me of who I was, and what made me who I am. I came home and came very close to making a phone call I didn't want to make. calling a man I swore I'd never call again. is there something about women that makes us weak? do we want to be contained, bruised, beaten? I, thankfully fell asleep and didn't make that call. I am very thankful I had the strength in me left to avoid it. But my cell phone rings this morning and.. guess who. I guess Daniel is coming back to town this weekend, wants to meet for lunch. And somehow I become the terrible person when I say no. I've tried very hard to change who I am, and get rid of that Bitchy, Needy, person I was. but I wonder how much change I've really made when people comment on it. and I wonder if I haven't changed for the wrong reasons. anyone who knows me knows who I was. and what a terrible person I was becoming. but maybe changed because of how others saw in me, instead of what I saw in myself? when we change, is it ever really for ourselves? or is it fear? fear others will not like us, or that we will end up alone?

The power of words

2008-09-09T23:15:00.000-07:00

my online mother posted a blog about the power of words, and i thought i would add my own bit to it. She posted examples of words that can inspire, sustain or crush us. I could rave for days about terrible things said, but i wont.
my first example is from a man that was once a very very dear friend, his weakness was his heart and that he simply cared to much. I've lost count of how many times over the year I have heard of my strength, and he simple refused to let me believe otherwise. I remember hearing nightly about how he wished for my strength, but knew I needed it. he said many things to me that changed my life, but one that sticks out the most was him hearing of my pain (both physical and mental) and while I remained mostly calm, he cried for me. All the things this man said to me have always given me courage. Even now when we don't talk, and don't seem like we could ever get along... I draw courage from his love, from his selfless, giving nature. Because strength may help me make it threw the day, it will never stop others from having the same day, and not making it.

2# passing kindness in a stranger. I was at work one day, at the end of a 12 hour shift, very angry, very upset, and i know not looking my best. at the end of the shift, i was getting things set up so i could go home and sleep for a few hours before returning to work and a young woman came up to me, she told me that table she was at, and said her daughter was about 4 years old and had been watching me since they came in that night. the woman looks me in the eyes ans says "I just wanted you to know, my daughter just told me you are the most beautiful waitress."

And since i wanted to post kinda words, I shall stop there

take Six

2008-07-17T23:29:00.000-07:00

newest pic, of me... not sure quite why i liek it.. but i do

my niece :)

just for the record, i miss my little brother :( hopefully he will be home soon.

Take five

2008-06-12T22:01:00.000-07:00

18!! zomg a birthday. a boring birthday that made me realise i am a nerd and there is a damn good reason i stay on my computer and not at clubs... speaking of computers.. pics!
OK. this is our waitress. there was this box on the wall at the pub we went to that said "ye old box of lucky charms" we were quite in love with the idea of cereal on the wall.. and were sadly disappointed when it was discovered it was only the temp. controls. so the manager was nice enough to bring Devon (friend of my sisters ex) not only cereal but milk and a spoon. our waitress had never tried the cereal before so she stole Devon's spoon and...well. it was funny :P

this is the whole group of fools. starting on the right is me (and my boots!!) my boss Shannon Jones, my sister Shannon, a girl from work Marley, Zack my sisters ex and our roommate currently, a couple of random girls i don't know, and Devon is on the end. and the random napkin (only cool birthdays have random napkins)

here is me and the random rose that some lady was selling.... (sisters idea to bite it)

this is my boss Shannon, and myself. Devon is in the corner throwing the random napkin into our pic. lol

Take four

2008-05-16T21:38:00.000-07:00

zomg! new apartement, new city, new job. same old wow :) gotta have the staples. had my 2nd day at work today and i gotta say, i already like my job alot. its alot slower than I'm used to but still fab. My new "home" is not quite as wonderfull, as i got some more info from my boss about whats going on at my home.. living with my sister and her "boyfriend" is not so great... i have t0 talk to my sister, work some things out, sadly the job gets in the way of the wow but eh,

Take Three, Part Two: beads

2008-04-11T02:56:00.001-07:00

Bracelets and one necklace done on a bead loom,

OK, the top is a bracelet made around valentines day, not that you can see so well in this picture but it is really A white heart with a pink outline, the next one down is the first attempt on the loom (silver, green, and the two blue stripes. The bottom is My personal favorite, while i will prolly never do it again. It is a full sized choker. so that means not only is it twice as long, it is thicker as well. took me for feakin evar. And Last but not least is the sideways one, that sadly did not photograph well. its a black cross, with a gold bead in the middle. (blue beads as the backroad and a silver outline. I have made a few more, but this is the only pic i have taken so far. perhaps when i master the closer...

Take Three,

2008-04-11T02:34:00.000-07:00

Well, I have run my own Raids, (sorta) and climbed the ranks of officer, now the bad thing: My guild is Falling apart. And i understand it happens, and we have allot of reasons it could happen. But... I'm Canadian. And i know how sad it is to say this but... My guild is my family. I have brothers galore, A sister, A mother, even a father figure in our mt. For the life of me I don't want to lose that... I guess I'm just gonna have to move to Texas. I can't logically think of another way to keep my family. True they don't all live there, But its hella Closer than Canada. Were all would I have to go To save my Family... Texas of course, Kansas, Colorado, Philly, Cali, Iowa, *sigh* Maybe its time for a malcontents party? Of course i only have 1500 bucks to my name now and its sorta all my savings... curse you lost job! curse you!!!!!!!!!.... little details.

Take Two,

2008-03-29T02:34:00.000-07:00

Blog entry number two. look at me I'm on a roll! (not) lol.
I get my first (and possibly last) shot at running Zul' aman tomorrow night. And if you don't know what that means... what in the world are you doing here? Having a healer set up a run is rather interesting, normally our main tank does it but He's having some stress problems and i (oddly) wanted to help and take some stress of so... Gelis vs Bear boss. Anyone taking bets?? Of course I will mostly just be doing the "you go, you stay out" type thing. since all our tanks really hate that. None the less, its my name on the calendar, and it will be me that gets flack if things go wrong. The main tanks brother has offered help if i should need it, as has our rogue class lead. Very nice guys, Good friends of mine. Well, I think I am going to go back to working on my beading (thank you lisa for providing me with this crack)
Oh, and on an ending note, I've met someone :) maybe not as sweet as my last boyfriend, but a very very very sweet man.

So here goes.

2008-03-19T02:38:00.000-07:00

my God. its a Blog.
ladies and gentlemen i must say i have no idea what I'm doing. And not just about my blog i would guess. I'm fighting for ground here faster than I can Step forward. Anyone that knows me knows I am pretty independent but i swear.. It seems like its almost time to give, ya know? I am supposed to move in with my sister, but the date keeps changing and the landlord is giving us the run around... and i start to wonder more and more how stupid it is of me. I don't belong in her house. And i sure a hell don't belong in the city. It means another month of living here first, giving me time to worry, over think, and just generally mess things up. I almost wish I could call my Mom, just find a logical answer to all of this without saying "fuck it!" and throwing in the towel. I know there is a very very simple reason i haven't thrown in the towel yet, hell i haven't ripped the towel to shreds and strangled someone with it. I can't prove to him how important he is. Nor how much he means to me. But at least I can make him think that we all don' give up. that there is hope, even if only a Little. Giving up would prove to him that giving up is O.K. and i will not let that happen. If i have to drag my sorry ass up every damn day just to make sure he does too. I will. But you know honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing. nor how in gods green hell I am supposed to make it out of this, am supposed to remember what is like to be happy. I'm almost 18... I always held myself together thinking thinks would either get better or would be better by then. 2 months, 19 days lol. that's allot less than i thought....